It’s okay to give up
…or so I have been told.
Possibly it was me doing the telling. But I hope it’s true anyway.
Okay, this is going to be pretty rambly and personal. Feel free to skip it if you’re just here for the pictures of pretty books. There will be more of those tomorrow.
The thing is, I’m not going to finish all I should this year. Not ever nearly everything. This doesn’t come as a chock to me. I’m very, very used to failing.
When I do stuff for others, I have no problem doing it – I’m a good worker, my bosses have always liked me. When I do stuff that I’m not supposed to do, I have no problem with doing it – the Sherlock Holmes fanfiction book, for example or… well, nearly everything I put up here, really. When I’m supposed do stuff for myself, I… I just can’t. Homework, when I was in school. The historical books now.
(I want to defend myself and say that it’s not only my fault, that the schedule we decided on last spring might have worked for me but for some reason we never used it, and when I talked to my teacher about it, he didn’t really… I don’t know, get it. But I know I should have taken more responsibility for it.)
But the thing is, I decided that’s okay. I’m trying not to feel like a failure, because I’m really not. I’m still a bookbinder, I’m good at making books, I’m just not good at getting around to do it. And I can… well, I can accept that.
Now I just have to find a way to not be mad at my friends when they ask me if I’ve gotten my journeyman certificate yet…