I’m just shy, not antisocial
(you can talk to me)
You know, like the xkcd t-shirt. I need one of those. I need one of those to wear online as well. Oh, if that was possible.
The thing is, talking to people is really hard. Especially if you’ve got some part in your brain telling you that you’re dull and annoying and sort of in the way all the time. Logically, I know they probably don’t, but… what if they do? Better not to talk.
It gets even worse when I have to speak English. I’m not bad at English, not at all, but I… don’t trust it. I’m not sure the words means exactly what I want them to. I’m not sure there’s not a hidden meaning that I would totally know if I had English as my first language. I’m working on it, I am. Hence the blog. Hence this post.
And how do you talk to people online? When talking in person, you can always read them, see what they think of you and what you say and if they get bored and start looking at squirrels instead or offended and reach for their swords or… well, that last one doesn’t happen that often, but it could. Anyhow. That’s IRL. Online, I can’t know what the other person thinks until they’ve answered my email or comment or whatever (and even then it’s impossible not to over-analyze it).
When I write to somebody online, I feel like I either:
1. Get sidetracked and ramble on too much and stop making sense and sound kind of weird and not in the good way but in the “right, I’m gonna forget to answer that”-way and I still can’t express what I want to and how much I really like the other person or the post I’m commenting on or anything at all really
2. Am short and concise to the point of being rude.
I try to avoid this. That usually ends up with me writing something that (at least to me) sounds both rambling and rude.
There’s really no way to win this.